After everything previously discussed, somebody offered one more suggestion:
“Put some dry ice in it.”
No.
That needs to be stated before we continue. Dry ice produces carbon-dioxide gas as it warms. It should never be trapped inside a sealed or tightly recapped watermelon, bottle, or other container because the pressure can cause the container to rupture. It can also cause severe cold burns if handled directly. (CDC)
Naturally, the conversation did not begin with that warning. It began with a detailed explanation of watermelon surgery.
The theory is that you carefully remove a section of rind using a paring tool or something resembling a cheese sampler. The objective is to create an opening large enough to insert the liquor bottle while preserving a section of rind that can later function as a lid.
That is the delicate version.
The situation changes when somebody introduces a hand blender.
A hand blender requires a wider opening because the mixing head must reach the watermelon flesh. Once the opening becomes larger, the structural physics of the watermelon change. You are no longer merely adding liquor to a piece of fruit. You are attempting to convert produce into a load-bearing beverage container.
According to the alleged Southern engineering department, other available equipment may include a small mixer attached to a cordless drill.
This is where I should add that paint mixers, drill attachments, 3D-printed parts, and other improvised devices should not touch a drink unless they are actually made from food-safe materials and can be properly cleaned. Equipment that contacts food or beverages needs to be suitable for food contact—not simply something that happened to fit inside the watermelon. (U.S. Food and Drug Administration)
The recommended practice run would occur before adding the alcohol.
That part, strangely enough, makes sense.
A person operating a blender inside a watermelon may drift slightly too far to the left or right. One moment of excess enthusiasm could puncture the rind, destroying its ability to hold either the liquor or its own watermelon juice.
“You still want some of the rind.”
Yes. Without the rind, you no longer have a watermelon cocktail. You have a sticky table and an explanation for the homeowner.
The proposal then became even more elaborate. If the blender opening is too large to support an inverted bottle, create a separate bottle opening in the removable lid. Otherwise, work very quickly while attempting to balance the bottle.
The third option was to design and print a custom bottle holder with a 3D printer.
This would apparently be a specialized device used only three or four times.
Nothing demonstrates sensible resource management quite like spending several hours designing a custom plastic fixture for the occasional delivery of grain alcohol into a structurally compromised watermelon.
At this stage, we were no longer discussing a cocktail.
We had developed:
- a surgical access procedure;
- a removable rind hatch;
- an immersion-blending operation;
- an optional cordless-drill attachment;
- structural-failure testing;
- a secondary liquor-delivery port;
- and a custom 3D-printed bottle mount.
All for a drink that began with somebody saying, “Stick the bottle in the watermelon.”
This is how simple projects become government contracts.
And, once again: do not recap or seal dry ice inside it. The watermelon is already under enough pressure from this conversation.
I can almost picture the technical drawing for this!